Cancer

It may sound weird but, most of the tumblr posts from http://zodiacchic.tumblr.com regarding my zodiac fits! haha. I'm not really that type who's superstitious and fortune-conscious (if there really is that kind of word. haha!) however, I think that there is no harm in believing. :)

Here are the first fifteen of the posts. Most of it are so me however, nakakawindang yung fourteen. Need not to explain. Basta di ko kinaya! :p

Stoned

I literally am confused. haha. I don't really know what got into me, but I have this thought of being stoned someday. Funny, right? It's just way out of my personality. Way, way out! Di naman ako nagmamalinis or what pero never kasing sumagi sa isip ko dati ang mag try o kahit makakita man lang ng ipinagbabawal na gamot. Pero may kung ano mang ideya ang pumasok sa utak ko. Nakakatawang isipin kasi out of no where bigla ko nalang na-imagine sarili ko doing stuffs na sobrang wala sa personalidad ko. Well, may isa na akong na-break. Dati kasi sabi ko iinom ako pero never akong magyoyosi pero di naman natupad. haha. Tapos ngayon I am thinking of trying out drugs. PERO! Being an addict is not in my plan. I just wanna know how it feels like being high. That's all. Then I though, what if i-try ko lahat ng kabalastugan? Una alak, tapos yosi, isusunod ko drugs, tapos ano... YUN NA! :p


But then again, naisip ko lang to.Di ko sinasabing gagawin ko or di ko gagawin. At kung gawin ko man, sisiguraduhin kong one time big time lang. Wala akong balak sirain buhay ko. haha. Masyado akong ambisyosa para sayangin lang ang mga pangarap ko. :)


Yun lang. Just a thought. :)

Writing Sets Me Free

I never expected that writing will be my passion. Oh, yeah! It became my passion. I accidentally discovered my so-called-talent when I was in elementary. That was when I wrote a script for our play and luckily, my story got a "best script"-like award. hihi. I never got the chance to write stories again after that but due to English and Filipino subjects, I still got to write. 

Back then, I just write for the sake of having something to pass to my teachers. I simply write because I am required to write. However, when my teachers would have positive comments on my works, I began to appreciate my craft. I then started to write because I wanted to write.

There also came a point that I write when I am sad, happy, empty, crazy, whatever! It basically became my outlet. It actually is a great way to express emotions. Whether negative or positive, I express it through writing. I also write when I have nothing to do. Sometimes I doodle and just end up creating a poem. Crazy, right? :)

At the moment, I am enjoying writing stories. My first attempt is through blogger also. It is called "An Extention of My Mind"". It somehow became a hit because I have had several readers who expressed their fondness of my stories through comments. I also monitor my views so I can see if there are still readers. haha. Then, when I was introduced to Wattpad. I shared my stories there too as Writer Kuno. Again, I believe that it was liked by many. haha. In wattpad you can have fans and readers can either comment of vote. I am just happy that my stories and some poems are appreciated by people who are strangers to me. :)

In time, I hope that I can "level up" my writing skills. haha. Ambitious, but I am hoping that someday I would get a chance to write a book, an article in a magazine/newspaper or just to have my own site wherein I can express my thoughts. I wish that in the future my opinions would be heard though my writings. I'd love to share my thoughts and to inspire others.

I want to share: the happenings in my life, the things I have learned, and the reason why I love.

I Am Clairey.

I live.. I learn.. I love..

and I write..

Ego Medicum

What do you want to be when you grow up? 

What is your ambition? 

What do you want to achieve? 

Ten years from now, how do you see yourself?

If these questions were asked to me five years ago, I would be certain that I REALLY want to be a doctor. Really, meaning that I BADLY DESIRE this to happen. Not that I have changed my mind now, it's just that I have started to have doubts. Not on my dreams nor on my capabilities but on my attitude. I am the kind of person who is ambitious and is willing to do anything, if not everything, in order to achieve my dreams. But then, willingness doesn't always come to an action. 

"oo! willing ako at alam kong kaya ko. pero bakit nakatunganga ako sa mga panahong dapat may ginagawa ako? bakit ako nandito imbes na nandoon ako?"

MEDIOCRITY - a person of second-rate ability or value

PROCRASTINATION - putting off or delaying,especially something requiring immediate attention 

These are few of the words that struck me. Noong una kong marinig yung word na mediocre at nalaman yung meaning nun, nasabi ko agad sa sarili ko na ako yun, that word can definitely describe me. I settle for "okay na yan", "sakto lang", "pwede na" when in fact I could have done more. Another word is procrastinate. I love to cram! Whenever I have homeworks or projects, I work on it one or two days before the deadline and my reason is that I can think properly or ideas are flowing freely ONLY when I cram. Damn! That's only an excuse. I just cram because I am so LAZY to do things ahead of time. A bad habit, I guess. Well actually, it works. haha. 

I actually am not a studious type of person. When I say that I did not study, I MEAN it. I always rely on stuck knowledge and luckily, it seldom fails me. I have graduated High School and managed to get to 4th year College mostly by using stuck knowledge. Ako na mayabang, pero pumapasa naman ako. Di ko nga alam kung talagang may na-retain sa mga nalalaman ko o sadyang nakatakda na ang pagpalit ko kay Madam Auring eh. And again, this is a bad habit.

I joke about this all the time pero natatakot na din ako. I got used to these habit and I don't know if I can ever remove it from my system. I know for a fact that I cannot always rely on stuck knowledge nor on luck! I cannot continue to procrastinate nor to be a mediocre. Not on the field that I want to pursue. Not on the life I dream of having. At this point, I have to do the right thing and hopefully I can act upon it and not just be willing to do so. As my saying goes, [wag na kayong kumontra kasi kasabihan ko talaga to! haha] 

“aanhin ang katalinuhan kung tamad ka naman… ”

—claire baron

Again, I am an ambitious person who would like to be a doctor someday at ayokong maging ambisyon lang yan. I WILL BE A DOCTOR! How badly do I want this? Wala lang, lahat lang naman ng simbahang mapuntahan ko ay ipinagdarasal ko ito. Minsan pa nga nagsisindi ako ng kandila eh. Sunod kong gagawin ay ang lumakad ng paluhod at humipo sa mga santo(kahit takot ako sa rebulto. :p). But I know that all of these are not enough. I will set my priorities and I will work on this dream of mine! So help me Lord. :) 

I am claiming that in God's perfect time, I WILL BE A DOCTOR!

Ego Medicum!

AMEN.

11.11.11

RH Bill

Lately, there have been a lot of commotions regarding the infamous RH bill also known as “The Responsible Parenthood, Reproductive Health and Population and Development Act of 2011” – Pro’s against the Anti’s, Church against the State. In my opinion, as a Pro-Life and also a Pro-RH Bill, there are a lot of loopholes on the said act. First is on the language used, I am perfectly aware that English is the most appropriate language to be used in such text that is mostly consist of terms that has no translatable terminologies on our own language however, I also believe that it should be reader friendly so as our countrymen who may not understand deep English terms can at least comprehend. Another is that a lot of people are not really aware of what is written in the RH bill but only basing their stands on what they watch or hear on the news or even during the Sunday masses. Lastly, I wish that the Church and the State may be able to work collaboratively in acting upon the issues of our country and not just bashing each other. I mean, RH bill may have disadvantageous parts but personally, I think it is advantageous most especially if some parts will be revised and compromised for the good of everyone. I strongly believe that there has a chance to consolidate both the views of the Anti and Pro RH bill to create a better act concerning Reproductive Health. 

My Crazy Dreams

this is a compilation of what i would like to be, to do, to go to, and whatever! haha. and this is not yet done. as long as i can think of a crazy dream, this blog will be updated! :)

1. inspire people

2. be a hero

3. bungee jump

4. know my country by heart

5. be a host of a travel show

6. be a doctor

5. teach in college :D

7. go to Greece

8. shake hands with Oprah

9. have a ziggurat-style-house

10. write a book

11. have a debate with Miriam Defensor-Santiago. (i know this is crazy. haha)

12. have a conversation with Chiz Escudero

13. be interview by Boy Abunda in his show, The Bottom Line

14. be friends with Bianca Gonzalez

15. have a green rose

16. have tulips in my garden

17. eat at the Van Gogh is Bipolar restaurant

Single And Happy!

familiar line? of course if you are a fan of the movie, "One More Chance" of Bea Alonso and John Lloyd Cruz, you'll surely remember this line of Bea. some may say that this is "bull shit!" and that "who the hell would want to be single?!" you're right, who the hell would want to be single?! but you are wrong that this is bull shit.

being single is indeed a nice thing. why? because you can spend more time with yourself, your friends, your family and the best thing, you can party and meet other people. let's admit it! when we are taken, our time and moves are limited. we should always ask permission not only from our parents but also from our boyfriends or girlfriends. we can't just meet people especially on the opposite sex because it will be an issue. this may not be applicable to everyone but this is a fact! right?

don't get me wrong. i don't hate love or being in a relationship or whatever. in fact, i love love! i love the feeling of being in love! i love weddings and stuff, and i am a certified hopeless romantic. but i am single. AND happy! most of my friends are so excited of me having a boyfriend or just even meeting someone. i'll be a hypocrite if i'll say that i am not excited too, but at the moment i enjoy being single.

so why "Single And Happy"? because i believe that being in a relationship is not a game. love is NEVER a game! so if you are really not in love, do not engage yourself in a relationship and fool others and above all, yourself! if you are not ready, not in love or afraid of love, just be single! it's fun! :)

Google It!

Google me,

  

Google you. 

Google everyone 

if you have nothing to do.

When Reality Bites

Kin Hubbard : the world gets better every day -- then worse again in the evening.

i first heard/read this quotation when i was in high school. third year, to be exact. it was striking, yes. not the usual quotations that we encounter. but it struck me most when i realized what it really meant.

1 literally, it is true. sa umaga, you can smile or laugh all you want because you're with friends or loved ones but at the end of the day, when you're alone in your room, you'll then realize that oo, tumawa ka nga at halos mahulog pa sa upuan dahil sa sobrang galak, but am i really as in truly happy?

2 this quotation can be related to aging. with the analogy of day is to youth and evening is to old age. habang bata, you can do all things but as we age, doon nalelessen ang mga bagay na pwede nating gawin. if you haven't lived you life properly, darating yung point na masasabi mo na sana ganito, sana ganyan.

3 i can also relate this sa love. when love is young, parang ang saya saya lang. kilig dito, kilig dun. but as time goes by, hindi na ganun yung kilig na mararamdaman mo tulad nung bago palang. nagkakasanayan na. wala ng spark.

how can we prevent these? i guess we can't. it's the reality. it happens. pero hindi naman pwede na lagi nalang tayong ganun. pwede din naman na "the world gets better in every day -- then best in the evening" o kaya "the world gets better every day -- then worse again in the evening -- but then again, tomorrow is another day!" 

reality check, pwedeng sobrang down tayo ngayon at parang ang tanging gusto nating gawin ay umiyak at mag mukmok pero reality check ulit, bawal bumangon sa pagkadapa?! when you're down, there is no other way but to go up. when you're now at the top, there will come a point that you will again, go down.

life is a continuous cycle. parang lesson lang namin yan kanina sa economics eh. kung may recession, may recovery. kung may down, may up. kung may sadness, may happyness. at ang gasgas nang there's a rainbow always after the rain.

at the end of this all, outlook mo parin sa buhay ang magdadala sayo. ikaw din, kung gusto mo jan ka lang sa baba, edi jan ka lang. sige ka, kung di ka tatayo baka maapakan ka ng iba. :) 

Digman, Digman... sagot sa kainitan

note: this is a late post.

April 25, 2011. Monday.

This was the day of our Midterm exam. Asian Civ., then Eco., then statistics. sobrang nadrain yung energy namin sa pagsagot sa mga exams. well, di masyado kasi the first two subjects, keri lang, as in multiple choice kaya madali lang...manghula! haha. deh! madali lang talaga. kahit di nga ako masyadong nag-aral, well hindi talaga, nakasagot parin ako ng maayos. at okay din naman ang results di mataas pero pasadong pasado. :) then, ayun. yung statistics talaga is equivalent to stress! sobrang nakakastress sumagot! well, kung tutuusin, madali lang naman. kaya lang since meron akong quiz dati sa kanya na ZERO as in bokya na wala akong tinama, naparanoid na ako. kahit pa nakabawi ako sa retake at 100 nakuha ko, natrauma parin ako kaya kahit anong quiz o exam man eh never akong naging confident sa sagot ko.

at dahil nga nastress kami sa exams at sobrang init nga naman talaga nang araw na yun, nagdecide kaming maghalo-halo...sa DIGMAN! tenen! haha. ang layo. sa Bacoor yun. pabor sakin kasi taga doon lang ako. haha. pero ang layo parin! :) ayun nga, dapat nung Wednesday pa kami pupunta kasi half day dahil Holy Week kaya lang dalawa lang kaming matutuloy kaya di nalang muna. tapos nung monday nga, natuloy kahit tatlo lang kami at biglaan.

dendededen! the adventure: i was with Nikka ang Krista. originally, dapat magbubus kami ng mga pa-Cavite kaya lang standing na kaya nag LP bus nalang kami. Erjohn yung bus na nasakyan namin so dalawahan lang yung upuan. tabi sila, then mag-isa ako. i mean may katabi ako pero unknown creature. haha. nakakatawa pa nga kasi kahit nahiwalay ako, nag-uusap pa rin kami. there was an incident pa na Nikka or Krista said "dapat kasi tumitingin-tingin ka sa paligid eh para nagkaka-bebe ka." something like that. may pumasok kasi na dalawang lalaki at isang babae at may cute daw. nakita ko naman sila pero di ko maalala mukha. hahaha. not fund of boy-watching, i guess. :) tapos ayun, Zapote na. we crossed the road na sobrang daming bus na nadaan kaya mejo natagalan kami. takot eh. :)

sumakay na kami ng Zapote kabila na jeep tapo naalala ko na may sakayan pala ng Binakayan sa may bungad lang ng Zapote at walking distance lang. haha. tinamad lang akong magsuggest. alam ko naman kasi talaga na meron kaya nga nagtaka ako kung bakit kami tumawid eh. hahahaha. anyhow, pagkasakay namin sa jeep, bumaba kami sa Jollibee Kalinisan. kung kelan naman ako sinipag magsuggest, mali naman. hahaha. pero nakasakay na din naman kami sa tamang sakayan. dinala ko kasi sila sa sakayan ng jeep papuntang Naic and the like. haha. malay ko ba. tapos ayun, may nakasabay kami na bababa din ng Digman. Krista said "naku, kelangan unahan natin siya bumaba" kasi daw kaagaw namin sa halo-halo then i said "ngek! eh dapat nga siya paunahin natin kasi di natin alam kung saan bababa eh." then we laughed and they both said "oo nga 'no". haha.

and then.. here we are! nagtanong pa kami eh tanaw naman pala yung sign board. haha. tapos dalawa yung store doon so nagtanong kami sa sarili namin, "saan kaya mas masarap" tapos may sumagot na someone "sa kaliwa" at doon nga kami pumunta. naglalakad palang kami sobrang natatakam na kami. tapos pagpasok namin natuwa kami kasi tanaw mo na agad yung ingredients na nakadisplay.

namangha pa kami sa laki ng leche flan! haha. sarap magdive in! tapos nilapitan na kami ni ate to get our orders. at syempre, we ordered three halo-halo's. tapos habang hinihintay yung orders namin, nagpicture muna kami sa paligid at ng aming mga sarili. naaliw pa si Krista sa isang buong wall na mirror.

here comes the halo halo! hahaha. pinanood talaga namin yan habang ginagawa. sarap! put-your-own-sugar-policy pala dito. haha. tama nga naman. people have different tastes. halos dalawang kutsara ng asukal ata nilagay ko o mas marami. gusto ko kasi matamis. tapos habang nilalantakan yung halo halo, nagkukwentuhan kami. tapos nagulat sila.

sinadya pa nilang kunan ng picture kasi papahulaan daw nila kung asan yung akin. hahaha. akin yung nasa right. second sa pinaka onti. unusual yung kasi sobrang bagal ko kumain tapos si Krista yung super mabilis pero siya yung may pinakamarami pa. hahaha. weird! bakit ba? hahaha. tapos nagutom kami. dapat oorder kami ng bbq kaya lang ubos na daw so nag tapsi kami.

hang sarap! haha. tapos nagkayayaan na dun naman daw kami sa Paranaque magfoodtrip. may masarap din daw na tapsihan dun tsaka masarap din daw pansit. tapos may napansin na naman sila. haha. ang linis ko daw kumain. tsaka sabi pa ni Nikka "kelangan pantay yung pagkakahati ng itlog?" hahaha. sorry naman. i'll describe kung pano ako kumain. first, either gigibain ko yung tumpok ng rice tapos ifaflatten at igagather sa gitna tapos bawat bawas ko ay igagather ko parin lahat pagit na or hindi ko muna gigibain at unti-unti ko lang na babawasan. basta kelangan nasa gitna silang lahat at magkakasama. hahaha. wirdo. pero wirdo din naman yung sawsawan ng tapsi namin eh. ketsup at suka?! ngayon ko lang nakita yun pero ganun daw talaga. haha. well, masarap naman kaya keri lang.

tenen! ayan. tapos na kami kumain. akin yung may tirang itlog. hahaha. nako, lagi nalang akong may tira. at least malinis plato ko, diba Krista? hahaha. as usual, si Nikka tamang kain lang, si Krista parang construction worker at ako namnam girl na naman sa sobrang tagal. hahaha..

to sum up the whole experience, it was oh so YUMMY!!

DIG IN SA DIGMAN!! :)

Writing

suddenly, i became hooked with writing. i know for a fact that even before, i scribble and doodle poetries but now, who would have thought that i'll be writing stories? haha. at first i thought it's ugly until i've decided to create a blog to post my stories and poetries. i never thought others would appreciate my talent. haha. talent? well, thank you God for the gift! i love you so much. :)

Intoxicated

last night, we celebrated my friend's birthday. right after class dumirecho agad kami sa bedrock sa bellagio. we had T.I and a bottle of Tequila. unfortunately, i got drunk. ang bilis nga eh. siguro kasi puyat tapos di nagdinner. ewan! kadiri. suka ako ng suka as in literal na naligo sa suka! haha. tapos nahulog pa daw ako sa upuan. at first time kong magblack out. wala ako maalala. hahaha. at ngayon, nagtatae ako at nagheart burn. at ang bloated ng feeling ko. even my head hurts! bitch na alcohol yan! hahaha. kbye! that's all. i don't want to elaborate anymore. :)

Graduation Blues

di ako graduating. pero about graduation blues itong post ko.

kagabi, i had a dream. sobrang weird lang ng dream. ang dark ng dating.

first scene, tumatakbo ako. para bang naliligaw. well technically, naliligaw talaga. takbo ako ng takbo pero di ako umaalis sa kinalalagyan ko, bumabalik lang at parang laging dead end ang nararating ko. what's more weird is sarili kong school, naliligaw pa ako. i am supposed to be in the auditorium of our school kasi mga two hours na yata akong late sa sarili kong graduation.

at last, mararating ko na ata yung dapat kanina ko pang napuntahan. on my way, nakasalubong ko ang isa kong batchmate. naligaw din daw siya at may isa pa daw kaming batchmate na naliligaw din. ang wirdo talaga, sariling school naliligaw?? so ayun, malapit na kami sa audi. ang bilis niyang tumakbo kaya nauna siya. pag pasok ko, tinanong ko yung friend ko kung ano nang nangyari. sabi niya lang tapos na at sobrang late daw ako. naiinis na ako kasi parang wala siyang pakialam to think na kaibigan ko siya. mga ilang minuto din akong halos tulala at pilit iniintindi na tapos na. late ako sa sarili kong graduation. ano yun, di ako nakagraduate?? pero yung nakasalubong ko kanina at yung binanggit niya nakaabot. ang daya!

sobrang gulong gulo ako at naiinis na kaya nagbreak down ako at lumabas na. iyak ako ng iyak at mas malungkot kasi mag-isa lang ako. may nakakita sakin na isang lalaki at isang babae. kinausap nila ako about life. well, di ko na maalala lahat basta ang alam ko nainspire nila ako. kinomfort nila ako at nang mahimasmasan ay pumasok ako ulit sa audi. patay na ang ilaw except ilaw sa stage. halatang halata din na katatapos lang ng event at yung mga candles ay parang kakaihip lang. may maliit na altar kaya lumapit ako, lumuhod at nagdasal. tumutulo ang luha ko. di pa man natapos ang dasal ko ay may tumawag na sa aking atensyon. napalingon ako at bukas na lahat ng ilaw at ang kanina'y paubos nang kandila ay parang bago na ulit. kinausap ako ng ale. sabi niya lumabas daw muna ako kasi magmimeeting mga magulang for the graduation. gulong gulo man ako, lumabas din naman ako.

sa labas, ang daming tao. mostly mga studyante na nakapila, nagdadaldalan at naghaharutan. kitang kita ang excitement sa mga kilos nila. nagulat ako, mga kabatch ko sila! hinanap ko ang mga friends ko at sa bandang dulo ng linya ko sila nakita. isa isa ko silang nilapitan at kinausap. yung una at hanggang sa pangatlo kong nilapitan, di ako pinasin, halatang nantitrip. naiyak ako, as in break down ulit. ang babaw kung iisipin pero ang totoong dahilan ay dahil gulong gulo nga ako. sa isip ko, bakit niyo ko pinagtitripan?? hindi niyo nga alam yung nangyari kanikanina lang eh. iyak lang ako ng iyak at nagpanic sila. tinatanong nila ako kung bakit ako umiiyak pero di ko sila sinasagot kaya niyakap nila ako ng mahigpit at nagsorry. iyak parin ako ng iyak pero this time dahil na sa tuwa. masaya ako kasi makakagraduate ako at kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko. masaya ako kasi kahit nakakalungkot yung nangyari kanina ay maganda naman ang nangyayari ngayon.

yan ang panaginip ko. ang wirdo talaga kasi pag gising ko, umiiyak ako. hahaha. sana di manyari. mejo nakakatakod yung part na naliligaw ako eh.

SHARE!  

my dearest best friend

you always help me

in every way you can

you give me meaning

it's true!

literally, you do

but sometimes, your presence

i take for granted and forget

that i need you

in order to survive

                ... my English subjects...

WEBSTER, MERRIAM & OXFORD

Irony

peaceful night

restless mind

silently

my heart protests

i am whole

but feels empty

what an irony

life can be

from a far

i stare at you

you look so lonely

well, i have no clue

you're always left out

never being noticed

unless you are needed

your leaves are untouched

"BOOK"

Bitter Sweet

your noise

it irritates me

your voice

it irritates me

your ways

it annoys me

your face

it annoys me

your name

it gives me chills

the pain

it leaves me ill

the memories

they seemed so real

the love

we used to feel

a guy

who captured me

my heart

broken by him

afraid

that's what i feel

of love

i thought was real

a friend

is all you can be

a person

which i really need

thankful

i am for you

for you

taught me the reality

Needle

when i think of this world

i feel like i am stabbed

stabbed by a needle so thin and small

little it may be but it could kill

as the needle runs through my veins

and slowly reaching my heart

i can feel that in just a bit

slowly and painless i would die

oh how i wish people would realize

that even a small thing could lead us to death

like lies, small or big it may be

can still have a large effect in the society

Opposites

silence

it makes me ponder

music

it makes me wonder

sunny day

makes me wanna play

rainy day

i'm sad in a way

morning

i smile and laugh

evening

in reality i come back

man-made

geniusly crafted

creation

amazingly perfect

lies

sometimes make us happy

truth

may hurt us deeply

Hallow

Sleepless nights

Sadness I can't hide

Loveless girl

Emptiness inside

Careless handling

Heartless guy

Katol

Lamok

                Aray

                                Kamot

                                                Katol

                                                                Kokak

Lamok

                Aray

                                Kamot

                                                Katol

                                                                −

Lamok

                Aray

                                Kamot

                                                −

                                                                Kokak

Paano ang palaka

Kung wala na ang lamok?

Ang lamok may silbi

Ang katol may kemikal

Anong mas mahalaga?

Insomnia

when I hear the song

thoughts of you comes along

hey, isn't this ours?

been thinking of this for hours

feels like insomnia

oh-woh-oh

you give me insomnia

hahaha

every day, every night

it is you in my mind

that, I couldn't fight

for you're a precious find

your eyes, your hair

makes me want to stare

your voice echoes back

so in sleep, I lack.