Ego Medicum

What do you want to be when you grow up? 

What is your ambition? 

What do you want to achieve? 

Ten years from now, how do you see yourself?

If these questions were asked to me five years ago, I would be certain that I REALLY want to be a doctor. Really, meaning that I BADLY DESIRE this to happen. Not that I have changed my mind now, it's just that I have started to have doubts. Not on my dreams nor on my capabilities but on my attitude. I am the kind of person who is ambitious and is willing to do anything, if not everything, in order to achieve my dreams. But then, willingness doesn't always come to an action. 

"oo! willing ako at alam kong kaya ko. pero bakit nakatunganga ako sa mga panahong dapat may ginagawa ako? bakit ako nandito imbes na nandoon ako?"

MEDIOCRITY - a person of second-rate ability or value

PROCRASTINATION - putting off or delaying,especially something requiring immediate attention 

These are few of the words that struck me. Noong una kong marinig yung word na mediocre at nalaman yung meaning nun, nasabi ko agad sa sarili ko na ako yun, that word can definitely describe me. I settle for "okay na yan", "sakto lang", "pwede na" when in fact I could have done more. Another word is procrastinate. I love to cram! Whenever I have homeworks or projects, I work on it one or two days before the deadline and my reason is that I can think properly or ideas are flowing freely ONLY when I cram. Damn! That's only an excuse. I just cram because I am so LAZY to do things ahead of time. A bad habit, I guess. Well actually, it works. haha. 

I actually am not a studious type of person. When I say that I did not study, I MEAN it. I always rely on stuck knowledge and luckily, it seldom fails me. I have graduated High School and managed to get to 4th year College mostly by using stuck knowledge. Ako na mayabang, pero pumapasa naman ako. Di ko nga alam kung talagang may na-retain sa mga nalalaman ko o sadyang nakatakda na ang pagpalit ko kay Madam Auring eh. And again, this is a bad habit.

I joke about this all the time pero natatakot na din ako. I got used to these habit and I don't know if I can ever remove it from my system. I know for a fact that I cannot always rely on stuck knowledge nor on luck! I cannot continue to procrastinate nor to be a mediocre. Not on the field that I want to pursue. Not on the life I dream of having. At this point, I have to do the right thing and hopefully I can act upon it and not just be willing to do so. As my saying goes, [wag na kayong kumontra kasi kasabihan ko talaga to! haha] 

“aanhin ang katalinuhan kung tamad ka naman… ”

—claire baron

Again, I am an ambitious person who would like to be a doctor someday at ayokong maging ambisyon lang yan. I WILL BE A DOCTOR! How badly do I want this? Wala lang, lahat lang naman ng simbahang mapuntahan ko ay ipinagdarasal ko ito. Minsan pa nga nagsisindi ako ng kandila eh. Sunod kong gagawin ay ang lumakad ng paluhod at humipo sa mga santo(kahit takot ako sa rebulto. :p). But I know that all of these are not enough. I will set my priorities and I will work on this dream of mine! So help me Lord. :) 

I am claiming that in God's perfect time, I WILL BE A DOCTOR!

Ego Medicum!

AMEN.

11.11.11